Ever wonder why your husband can flop down on the couch when the trashcan is overflowing and the house looks like a bomb went off? According to Dr. John Gray, relationship expert and best selling author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, it is because he can! The moment a woman sits down when the house is a mess or there are things to do, her mind speeds up and her stress level increases. Men on the other hand have the ability to turn off their minds.
In John’s latest book, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, he explains how women and men cope differently with stress. While a man is at work all day, solving problems, fixing things, etc. he is releasing testosterone and by the time he comes home after a long day he needs to rebuild it by resting his body. This is how men are designed to cope with stress – ACTION (testosterone release) and REST (testosterone rebuilds).
Women on the other hand are drawn to things that increase oxytocin levels to relieve their stress – GIVING (oxytocin release) and RECEIVING (oxytocin rebuilds). This explains why after a day at the office women want to come home and talk to their partner about their day and have him listen. She has been giving all day and is craving to be nurtured in return!
10 Activities that rebuild Oxytocin for Women:
1. Getting a regular massage
2. Gabbing to a friend on the phone
3. Preparing for a party or hosting a dinner party
4. Shopping with a friend
6. Going to the beach
7. Watching a romantic movie
8. Volunteering in your community
9. Holding a baby
And ladies, there are ways you can help your partner cut down on his need for couch time and rebuild his testosterone………
Cave Time Reducers:
- Appreciate the little things he does – often we point out what he doesn’t do but by appreciating even the smallest things he does will make him want to do more to make you happy
- Create a list of household chores – this will feed your man’s need to be in charge and will awaken the “Emergency Man” in him (no nagging though)
- Let him have his cave time, guilt-free – he will rebuild the testosterone he needs and will be out much sooner than if you make him feel bad by nagging him to do something
- Engage in regular sex – just anticipating sex increases your man’s testosterone and men who have regular sex have higher testosterone levels and spend less time in the cave – Sex is also oxytocin producing for women so it is a win-win!!!!
So ladies next time you find your man in the cave when there is something urgent to do, break out that little negligee you’ve been saving for your “weekend getaway” and with biggest smile you can muster, let him know you have something for him to do when he’s ready to come out!!!!!